How to make Apple pie

'Merica! My favorite apple pie

This is THE best apple pie I have ever made. I originally made it for my neighbor, but I learned a tough lesson making this pie for my neighbor... always make two pies.

Pick out eight good baking apples - granny smith are a favorite. I picked eight mystery apples from my tree (no idea what variety) and from a friends mystery trees for variety.

Pick a firm apple, with a crisp texture - a soft mealy apple will turn into apple sauce. Up to you on sweet vs. tart but I went for tart apples since the recipe is SO sweet.

 I already had pie crust pre-made, because when butter is on sale I make like a dozen double crust pie recipes and freeze it for later - the crust is the hardest part of pie so its nice to get all that shit out of the way.

 

But for you unprepared people, google it.

 

I'll get around to making crust post soon, if you are curious, since I used my last pre-made for this recipe!

 

 

 

Assemble your tools and ingredients - this is a good thing to do before you are halfway through cooking and discover you don't have any butter, and so you don't have to phone a friend and use up a lifeline.

Our mystery apples... mmm... some of these I grew myself - by totally ignoring the tree #nature

 

Pre-heat the oven to 425f ... make sure you didn't hide any dirty dishes in there first

 

 

 

So now would be a good time to roll out the bottom crust and plop it in the pie pan, I didn't do this and it was a little crazy. So learn from me and roll it out before things are boiling.

 

 

Now the good part -

In a sauce pan melt 1/2 cup of butter

Add 3 TBS of al-purpose flour to make a paste

then add 1/4 cup of water, 1/2 cup of white sugar and 1/2 a cup of brown sugar and bring to a boil

You just have to make it TO boil, then reduce the temperature to a simmer, you don't have to let it boil. Unless you aren't paying attention because your mimosa was empty and you were making a refill... priorities

 

I don't think I hurt it... but if yours doesn't get this dark its probably normal

 

So in the meantime while this stuff is heating to a boil, peel your apples and slice them up and arrange them in the pie crust. It should mound up a little (it'll cook down some and nobody wants a concave pie) -- if you are into spices, you can add spices to your apples or the saucepan. I didn't add any. I sometimes do cinnamon, nutmeg... whatever else I see in my cupboard that sounds good.

 

then roll out your pie top and cut into strips and make a lattice

 

I don't have pictures of any of this because - I was drunk. So I drew you a picture instead

 

Thank you Microsoft paint. I know, my hair is longer in real life - but i'm lazy.

Now pour the saucepan of deliciousness over the pie - slowly so it doesn't run off. mmmm

Ok pop the pie in the oven for 15 minutes, then reduce the temp to 350 for another 35 ish minutes.

Also put a baking sheet under your pie to catch any boiling over - or your oven will smoke for a long time until it all burns off the bottom... or I guess if you clean it

 

 

Looks good right? It tastes better. It is fucking NOM

 

This is 'merica apple pie.

 

So yeah, the neighbors didn't get a pie... always make two... always

 

Cheers!